The Perfect Spot… Or So I Thought

They say the best stealth camping spots are where nature meets civilisation—a delicate balance of serene quiet and convenient escape routes. Armed with this flawless logic, I, Scotty Boxa, found what I thought was the ideal camping spot: the edge of a carpark, hugged by a charming little park that oozed tranquillity. Picture this: a crescent moon shining down, crickets chirping like a well-rehearsed nature orchestra, and a light breeze swaying the tree branches in a way that screamed, “You’ve nailed it, mate.”

I parked the van, cracked open a cold one, and basked in the smug satisfaction of a well-chosen spot. “This,” I thought, “is what van life is all about. Serenity, solitude, and absolutely zero chance of morning drama.” Little did I know, fate was sitting back with a bowl of popcorn, ready to watch my morning unravel like a badly tied shoelace.

What started as a peaceful night parked at the edge of a quiet carpark quickly turned into a comedy of errors that could only happen in the chaotic world of van life. With nature as my backdrop and a quiet breeze lulling me to sleep, I thought I had found stealth camping perfection. But perfection has a funny way of biting back when you least expect it. And trust me, this was one morning I won’t forget anytime soon. Just when you think things can’t get any weirder, a rogue goat makes an entrance, and that’s where things really take a turn. Curious? Let’s dive into the madness.

Rise and Shine… and Panic

Fast forward to the next morning. I woke up not to the sweet sound of birdsong but to the unmistakable clatter of tents being erected, vendors loudly arranging their wares, and the tantalising scent of freshly grilled sausages wafting into the van. My first thought? Nice, free breakfast. My second thought? Wait, what?!

I peeked through the curtain, eyes still half-closed, and was instantly greeted by a sight that could only be described as a stealth camper’s worst nightmare: a bustling weekend market had materialised around my van like a pop-up circus. Where once there had been peace and quiet, there were now colourful stalls, busy shoppers, and far too many eyes glancing curiously in my direction.

Cue the panic. My van, which I’d stealthily parked in the shadows last night, was now the centrepiece of the market’s impromptu car display. Kids with sticky fingers from candy floss were pointing at it like it was an amusement ride, while vendors set up their stalls with the precision of military logistics. I had two options: stay put and embrace my new role as the star attraction, or make a stealthy, low-key getaway and by stealthy, I mean “van rumbling loudly through a packed market.”

Snack Attack

Just as I was contemplating my next move, a vendor selling something that looked like dehydrated turnip chips knocked on my window with a grin wider than my morning confusion.

“Morning, mate! Care for a sample?” he chirped, holding up a tray of what I can only describe as cardboard with seasoning. Now, I’m all for supporting local businesses, but not when I’m in my pyjamas and plotting an escape from a spontaneous public event.

“Uh, nah, I’m good,” I mumbled, trying to sound casual, as if parking my van in the middle of marketplaces for breakfast was a perfectly normal weekend activity. He lingered for a moment, perhaps waiting for me to reconsider, before wandering off to find his next victim.

With my heart pounding like a drum solo, I figured it was time to make a move. I opened the van doors, hoping for a clean getaway.

Goat on Board

And that’s when it happened. Before I could even process the scene outside, a rogue goat, because of course there had to be a goat, bolted from the petting zoo and made a beeline for my van. In one fluid motion, it hopped inside like it owned the place and zeroed in on my half-eaten bag of chips.

“Oh, come on!” I groaned, as the goat stared at me with unblinking eyes that said, Got any more snacks?

For a moment, I considered reasoning with it. But let’s be real, I was dealing with a goat, not a rational being. Meanwhile, a small crowd had gathered, thoroughly entertained by my impromptu petting zoo exhibit.

What Are You Selling?

Just as I was contemplating how to evict my new four-legged roommate, a woman carrying a basket of artisanal jams wandered over, peering curiously at the van.

“What are you selling?” she asked, her eyes lighting up with the enthusiasm of someone expecting gourmet treats.

“Uh, bad decisions,” I muttered, while the goat continued munching on my chips like it was the happiest guest at a buffet.

The woman chuckled, clearly enjoying the spectacle. Meanwhile, the goat seemed to have had its fill, because it suddenly turned around, hopped out of the van, and trotted back toward the petting zoo as if nothing had happened.

Freedom… Almost

With the goat gone and the crowd dispersing, I seized my chance. I started the engine and slowly inched forward, weaving through the market chaos with all the grace of a man trying not to accidentally run over a lemonade stand. The crowd parted like I was Moses leading a van-shaped ark, and after what felt like an eternity, I finally made it to the exit.

As I pulled away, I caught a glimpse of the goat happily munching on hay back at the petting zoo. It had its fun, and so did the crowd. Me? I was just relieved to be on the road again, vowing to double-check for surprise markets before parking next time.

Lesson Learned

I drove off, heart still racing from the absurdity of it all. Lesson learned: when you think you’ve found the perfect stealth camping spot, always double-check for surprise weekend markets and opportunistic goats.

Another day, another tale for the Travel Fails & Epic Tails collection. Was it a win? Probably not. But hey, at least the goat had a good time.

TRAVEL FAILS & EPIC TALES

If you enjoyed this wild ride, you’ll love Travel Fails & Epic Tails the book – packed with even more hilarious mishaps, unexpected adventures, and plenty of moments that will make you laugh, cringe, and maybe even feel better about your own travel blunders. Grab your copy and join me for the ultimate collection of unforgettable tales from on the road, and around the world!

Find it here